If you are into it, giving a blowjob is one of the most intimate acts you can share with a partner. Knowing that the giver is having a good time is the number one criteria of satisfaction for the receiver.
Start with your own yes
Being in the right mindset is key. Be clear about your intention. Are you doing it to avoid sex, or to encourage it, or because you want to? Giving a blowjob should always be a personal decision. You should never feel coerced into giving one, so practise embodied consent and make sure you have both a mental and a physical yes.
A blowjob should last only as long as you and your partner are both enjoying yourselves. You should not feel obliged for your partner to finish if you want to stop. If you want to stop before they do, you can offer a handjob, or climb on top of them, if that feels genuinely good for you.
The mechanics that make it easier
Be aware of positioning. Choose one that keeps space between your chin and your chest. This lets you relax your jaw and not kink your neck when you suck. Use a motion that rocks your whole body back and forward on the penis, instead of straining your neck by bobbing your head up and down.
Start by using your saliva and your hands. Instead of swallowing the saliva in your mouth, let it accumulate and spill onto the shaft to act as lube. Use moans to create vibrations in your mouth and on the penis. Enjoy the sensation of sucking.
The gag reflex is uncomfortable. If it comes up, make sure you feel safe to give a blowjob. Share your concerns about depth and speed, and make sure you are the one leading the movement of their hips. They cannot push into you. Find a position that is symmetrical, go very slowly, breathe slowly, and take breaks using your hands, with your mouth only playing with the tip.
Attuned to their pleasure, and your own
A mind-blowing blowjob is about being attuned to your partner's pleasure and responses, and enjoying it yourself. Touch their body before touching their genitals. If you awaken arousal and desire in their whole body, their orgasm can be much greater. Pay attention to their body, ask them questions, and let them guide you towards their pleasure too. Find what turns you on about it. In the long run, this means more pleasure for them and greater satisfaction at knowing how much you love to go down on them.
Why a handjob is worth mastering
Preferences are based on the individual, and there are real advantages to becoming a handjob master. It is a great way to get to know your partner's anatomy and discover their pleasure. You can touch them while whispering into their ears. It offers fewer risks of STIs, and no fluid is exchanged. It is practical, as it can be done in places where sex might be trickier. And the hand skills carry over to improve your blowjobs.
You can start a handjob when the penis is limp and use your talent to make it grow in your hands. Because of our lack of sex education, most of us are uncomfortable with playing with a limp penis. Find a position that lets you use both hands, such as kneeling or sitting between their legs. Wrap your hand at the base of the penis and squeeze it to pump blood into it. Stretch the penis gently and use a lot of lube to massage it up and down.
If something does not feel good, tell your partner in a kind way. If there is too much friction, ask for more lube. Show them what you like with your own hands, or use theirs to guide them towards the pressure, speed, and motion that bring you pleasure. If a penis is circumcised, keep an eye on how much the skin around the head is pulling, particularly the frenulum, the little bit of skin attached to the head and the shaft. Use a lot of lubrication, and it is always best to ask them to show you how they masturbate.