Using edging and holding back from ejaculation or a quick orgasm, by using the pelvic floor and breath, is an effective and proven way to extend erections and stamina.
Your gearbox for pleasure
The first step is to shift your approach to masturbation. If we condition ourselves to come quickly, while watching porn, by applying a lot of friction, it is likely to impact how we have sex. The body does what it has been trained to do. Lasting longer begins in your solo practice, by becoming more intentional with masturbation.
Train your pelvic floor daily, getting familiar with how it moves, and the effect it produces when used in combination with pleasure. The idea is to simply learn to squeeze, and push your pelvic floor (which is the muscles that you use to increase or stop the urinary stream) at any time during the day, and explore how that feels when having sex.
Get out of your head
When an issue arises, and we are not sure how to discuss it, or what are the solutions to address it, it can feel isolating, making us less available for intimacy. The gap of disconnection is likely to grow as partners are not being transparent with how they feel.
Having a conversation about sex and what we would like to explore might feel edgy in the moment, yet, it will create more closeness later.
The Kama app is designed to offer practices that couples can explore solo, or together, as a way to bring a shift in the relational dynamic. There is a lot that can be done together, and engaging in the process can help shift the approach towards something that is more aligned with what you both want.
Surfing the edge
Edging is the main practice for lasting longer, however, our approach is less about stopping to manage ejaculation, and rather becoming more aware of sensations, breath, micro movements, as a way to surf the edge of climax.
Feeling yourself going towards the edge, and using the pelvic floor to push outwards, as a way to slow things down, catch your breath, bring relaxation, and then start again. Doing this a few times in a solo session can have a direct impact the next time you have sex.
Lasting longer is about choice. Edging gives you more options and flexibility with the experience. Like training other muscles, regularity of practice is what will deliver the benefits.
Developing sensitivity through touch, breath, movement, smell, keeps us connected to what is happening in the moment, allowing us to connect more deeply with subtle internal changes, in our own body, as well as our partner's.
Try this
As many of these practices require privacy, which might not be immediately available, I invite you to simply imagine the practice. Visualise, sensualise, how you would do this practice, and what it would feel like.
The penis stretch
Stretching the penis is something that boys do naturally as children. Stretching increases blood flow and releases tension in the tissue. Done before sex or self-pleasure, it prepares the body for more sensation.
A third of the penis is inside the body. Stretching it out before sex or self-pleasure is a great primer.
Take 5–10 minutes and find a quiet space where you can be comfortable doing this practice. You can do this lying down or seated on the sofa. Start with taking a couple of breaths, and checking with yourself that now is a good time to do this.
Create a ring grip with your index finger and thumb around the base of the penis, with the back of your hand against the pubic bone. Give a gentle squeeze and feel blood move into the penis. From here, hold and pull away from the body, as you inhale deeply. Hold the stretch, exhale, and take another inhale while pulling. Then relax and release the grip on the exhale.
Take the grip again at the base, and try to stretch in all the ways that feel good. Inhale deeply into the belly and push the pelvic floor out while continuing to pull, this deepens the stretch from the inside. Hold the tension, then exhale with a sound. Repeat for a few cycles. You might feel tension, and as you breathe into it, it will begin to release.
Science check
Twelve weeks of pelvic floor training extends ejaculatory control. Average ejaculation time increases more than fourfold, and most men regain control of the reflex. The capacity is trainable.
Pelvic floor and stamina , Pastore, A.L., Palleschi, G., Fuschi, A., Maggioni, C., Rago, R., Zucchi, A., Costantini, E., & Carbone, A. (2014). Pelvic floor muscle rehabilitation for patients with lifelong premature ejaculation: a novel therapeutic approach. Therapeutic Advances in Urology, 6(3), 83–88.