Statistically, most issues experienced in relationships are connected to communication challenges. Here are eleven questions to take in turns asking each other as a way to get a better understanding of the underlying issues that show up during intimacy.
How to create a safe space for open communication?
In order for communication to be productive and heartfelt, it is important to be intentional with the conditions we create.
- Agree a time where you can both be available without interruptions.
- Leave the phone in another room.
- Choose a neutral space, ideally not your bedroom. It can be outside, in the park, or anywhere that feels relaxed and calm.
- Agree to be present with each other, and to listen with an open heart. "I am here to listen to you, and to share from my heart."
- Light a candle if you are indoors.
- Take a moment to close your eyes, hand on heart, and take a few breaths with full awareness. Try to connect to your own heartbeat.
- Connect to your body's sensations. What position is your body in? How does it connect to the ground, cushion, or floor? Do you feel any tension? Simply be aware, and breathe gently.
- When you are ready, start with the first question, take turn to answer. When one person is speaking, connect to the sound of their voice, simply listen to their words, and tone.
- If you are the one speaking, always speak from "I" and focus on your experience, and feelings.
- If you are listening, do not respond. Simply listen. There are no answers to give in this practice.
Let's start:
- What do you most enjoy in your life in this period?
- What would you like more of?
- How do you feel about your body these days?
- During sex, where is your attention?
- Do you enjoy receiving, or giving?
- How often do you self pleasure?
- If you could shift one thing in our intimate life, what would it be?
- What turns you on in your life?
- What are your off switches when it comes to your arousal?
- What kind of touch brings you pleasure?
- Is there anything new you want to explore sexually?