Fingering is highly underrated. When it is done right, it can be a very erotic experience for couples. It is an art that requires attention, creativity, and patience.
The vagina is not just a hole
The vagina is not just a hole but a complex pleasure network. All too often, fingering focuses on penetration and does not give enough attention to the clitoris and the entire vulva. Done with care, it is often more pleasurable than penetration for people with vulvas.
Before going in with your fingers, cut and clean your nails. Because the vulva is full of nerve endings, keeping your fingernails short is essential. Work your way in slowly: softly stroke the labia, caress the bum, thighs, and lower belly, give light kisses, stimulate the clitoris. You can also ask first: "I can feel your excitement and I really want to finger you, how do you feel about that?"
Keep them in motion
Do not go in and out as fast as you can. Explore the vagina slowly. Keep your hand still and encourage the receiver to move their hips. In order to feel more during internal stimulation, it is important for them to stay active: ask them to move towards their pleasure by rotating and pulsing their hips, and to squeeze and push their pelvic floor to increase arousal. Follow their body's rhythm, as if your hand is an extension of their body.
The more you keep their body in motion, the less likely it is that they will get stuck in their head. As the receiver, it is important to guide your partner towards what you want. No one has the secret code to your vagina, so you should be able to communicate what you enjoy. Use your moans to give further guidance. If you stop moaning, usually it is because you lost connection.
Making oral feel safe
Oral sex is such an intimate act, yet we tend to go there quite early as a way to get things going. To have the best experience, the person receiving needs to feel comfortable enough to surrender. Many people with a vulva find it hard to stay present because they get stuck in their head: "Am I taking too long?", "Are they thinking of something else?", "Is my smell okay?"
If you want to feel at ease, rinse your vulva gently with warm water before, no need to add soap as it will likely dry the area. Be open about your sexual history, as you can pass on or catch an STI with oral sex. Express your adoration and use your moans and words to affirm how good this feels to you. It is possible to squirt with oral sex, especially if you are fingering them at the same time.
Comfort is key
Comfort is key when finding a position for cunnilingus. Knowing that you are both relaxed lets you be present. Try to position your body as symmetrically as possible. Kneel on the floor while the receiver is on the edge of a sofa or bed, and position your head between their legs. Face the vulva and keep your neck as straight as possible, not tilting too far backwards or forwards. You should be able to move your neck in all directions while giving the receiver space to move their hips and legs.
Choose a position where your neck is straight and you can use your fingers, outside and inside. Stay connected by touching the rest of their body with your hands. Use a soft, flat tongue to trace the whole anatomy of the vulva. Tease and arouse by taking your time before you touch the vulva, and leave the clitoris to last. Less is more, so start very gently. And if they start moving towards orgasm, do not change anything: continue at the same pace, as this builds towards a bigger release.
It is not about giving an orgasm
The top tip for oral sex is to be clear that this is not about giving an orgasm, but about exploring their pleasure. The most important thing is to ask them what they enjoy, how they want it, and for them to show you how they stimulate their own vulva and vagina. The more they know you love their feedback, before, during, and after, the more comfortable they will be telling you no, stop, or that something hurts.