The lack of sex education and invitation to explore pleasure means that we often rely on others to understand what we like, or don't like. We intend to look for partners that can provide and discover our pleasure, and keep us excited and turned on. By having expectation on others about our pleasure and arousal, we differ responsibility on them, we miss the chance to educate ourselves on our own desires, and to build confidence in the bedroom.
Pleasure and embodiment
The resources for wellbeing and happiness come from being in our bodies, connected to sensations. During intimacy, they key is to stay present with our senses, rather than stuck in our head, thinking about fantasies or distracted by our thoughts.
We often judge the quality of our sexual experiences by how the other person feels, or by our performance. Kama offers practices and exercises that help you build more awareness, and connection to the bodily processes, so you can fully experience pleasure.
When you find yourself spectatoring, which is the process of imagining watching yourself have sex from the outside as a way to get turned on, it brings you in your head. You might start to feel insecure about how you look, with the risk to disconnect from your own sensations and from the person you are with. Even when we self-pleasure, we often need visual stimulation or motorised tools in order to feel. If we keep ignoring the subtle sensations that emerge in our system, they become less and less.
In order to feel and grow our potential for pleasure, we need to practice being present and aware. This means developing our interoceptive awareness, which is the ability to feel from the inside of our body. When we align mind, body and heart in the present moment, we can finally explore our pleasure potential.
We are sensorially desensitised because of our sedentary lifestyles. We do not connect to our senses, and we rarely spend time touching and enjoying sensation for its own sake. Resensitiation is the simple process of best spending as many small moments during the day as possible, feeling, touching, massaging, sensorially exploring the body and the senses.
During a sexual experience, focus on the present sensations, not on the orgasm. Increase skin contact, connect heart, belly and hips to slow down movement, and coordinate breath. Follow pleasure like a thread. Use your voice to express what is happening internally, sound is a powerful tool for communication, and relaxation.
add science fact here about this? We are made of seventy percent water, so vibration becomes a tool for internal relaxation and stimulation.