Sensitivity comes and goes, based on what is happening in the moment. If we can stay connected to physical sensations, it helps us stay present, rather than stuck in our head. Focusing on feelings and sensations, rather than visual stimuli, helps with building deeper intimacy.
Arousal landscape
Porn and mainstream media are powerful tools that program our arousal system towards a particular type of sex. These images become our main source of arousal. Visual arousal keeps us in our head, and away from sensation, and connection. Building a more sensual, and sensorial relationship to pleasure, sex and the body, expands our arousal landscape, which is a great tool for lasting relationships.
What is genital dearmoring?
When we experience pain during sex, our instinct is to find a way to avoid it. When we avoid the physical pain, we are also pushing away connection. Pain during sex has to be addressed.
Dearmoring is a somatic process for releasing tension from the body using pressure, breath, voice. This practice can be done daily, on oneself, or it can also be done in session, with a practitioner. You can also practice with your partner, learning to do it on each other, and then during sex, if you come across any painful spot, you can ask to pause, and slowly release the tension by breathing together, stay connected to the pain point, and simply use your breath to push and release until the pain subsides.
As the body releases tension, emotions can surface. This sexual practice requires the capacity to keep our heart open, and hold each other close as intimacy builds.
Before this practice, try Asking for permission →
Try this
As many of these practices require privacy, which might not be immediately available, I invite you to simply imagine the practice. Visualise, sensualise, how you would do this practice, and what it would feel like.
Resensitisation with breath and touch
Start to gently caress your sex and connect to the sensations. Use your breath to accompany the movement of your hand. Explore all the different zones, and see if you find somewhere painful, or where there is no sensation.
Pause there. Use your finger to put gentle pressure on this point, and breathe deeply into your pelvic floor. Inhale pushing against the pressure, exhale. Hold the pressure there, and take another inhale, pushing against your finger. Do this a few times, until you relax and allow sensation to arise.