Breath is the number one tool for performance in any discipline, whether it is music, dance, or athletics. In sex and pleasure, we tend to hold our breath at exactly the moment something good is happening. That is where sensation starts to narrow instead of expand.
What the breath is doing
When we hold our breath, we indicate to the system that something needs immediate attention, as if there is danger. The held breath contracts the body at exactly the moment it could be expanding.
A slow exhale does the opposite. It opens the body, brings blood flow and oxygen to the genitals, and signals to the nervous system that it is safe to receive more. A slow exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the state in which the body can feel more deeply.
Sexual energy as life force
The idea that sexual energy is life force, chi, prana, is present in many ancient traditions, including tantra and Daoism. This energy is not only there to be released or to reproduce. It can also be cultivated as an internal source of vitality and wellbeing. Working with the breath and the pelvic floor is one way to begin cultivating this energy.
The energy comes from a very low place, below the navel. That is the root of it. It connects most readily to the genitals because that is the first place it expresses itself, through the desire to feel pleasure. When we breathe deeply into the lower belly, we increase blood flow and oxygen to the genitals. Oxygen is what fires the pleasure nerves and allows us to feel more. This is why the breath and the lower belly are the starting point.
"Sexual energy is life force energy. It is not just there to be released. It is something you can cultivate, move, and use."
Keep the breath moving
When it comes to pleasure, as soon as something feels interesting, we tend to hold our breath. Learning to be with our sensations and feelings, and being able to receive more and more pleasure without the need to release, is how we cultivate more aliveness.
Try this
As many of these practices require privacy, which might not be immediately available, I invite you to simply imagine the practice. Visualise, sensualise, how you would do this practice, and what it would feel like.
Navel breathing, before or during self-pleasure
Find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down. Let your hands rest on your lower belly. Close your eyes.
Bring all of your awareness to the area just below your navel. As you inhale, allow the lower belly to expand outward. As you exhale, relax, let go, and use the pelvic floor to gently squeeze the air out. Let the exhale be longer than the inhale.
Continue for as long as you wish. With each inhale, the belly expands, push the pelvic floor. With each exhale, draw energy upward from the base of the body and towards your heart.
To complete the practice, simply connect to all the sensations alive in your body.
Science check
Slow breathing at around six breaths per minute increases genital and subjective sexual arousal. A slow exhale shifts the nervous system into the state in which the body opens to receive more sensation.
Breath and sexual arousal , Stanton, A.M., Boyd, R.L., Fogarty, J.J., & Meston, C.M. (2019). Heart rate variability biofeedback increases sexual arousal among women with female sexual arousal disorder: Results from a randomized-controlled trial. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 115, 90–102.